the darndest things.

One of my favorite things to do is to literally just have a conversation with my kids. Their imaginations are incredible (they get that from me) and then top that off with a little of their dad's sarcasm and BOOM -- you have yourself a hilarious conversation. Over the past couple of years, I have written down and kept track of the conversations I've had with the boys. Maycen has always been my social butterfly, never meeting a stranger. Ollie was reserved for quite some time but recently has been showing a conversational side that I really enjoy. So, here are the darndest things that my kids have said. And I will try to update as often as I can. Enjoy.

September 2016
Me: Ollie, you have a tiny little pimple on your chin! (Jokingly) Can I pop it?
Oliver: When you let me pop that nipple on your head, you can pop this nipple on my chin!
Me: Touché.

July 2016
We were in "Antarctica" and the boys had come to my cottage (the kitchen door) to get food because they were out in the cold and had found a (stuffed) baby penguin that was hurt.
Maycen: *knock knock*
Me: Who is it?
Maycen: We are two explorers and it is so cold out here. We just need a place to stay out of the snow storm.
Me: Sorry, darling. I'm just a little old lady... I don't like to let strangers in to my cottage.
Maycen: Please?
Me: Nooo, sorry.
Oliver: Listen, lady! Open the door! It is cold out here!
Me: Fine, come in.. lunch is on the stove.
Maycen: What is it?
Me: Pasta with cheese and spinach.
Maycen: ........
Oliver: .... I'll eat the penguin.

July 2016
Maycen: What is a semi-circle?
Me: It is half a circle. So let's say you have a cookie and you half it. You have two semi-circles.
Maycen: No, you'd have two circles. 
Me: No babe, imagine a big chocolate chip cookie and you half it. Each of those halves are semi-circles.
Mayce: Well I didn't have a chocolate chip. I had an oreo. And when I pull that apart I have two circles.
Me: Stop being smarter than me.


July 2016

Maycen: Shark week!

Ollie: I don't want to watch that.

Maycen: But Ollie it will show dolphins too!

Ollie: Noooo I don't like dolphins.

Maycen: Well, it will have sea turtles..

Ollie: No! I don't like sea turtles! I want to watch Power Rangers!

Maycen: How about squid? Do you want to see squid?!

Ollie: NO!!

Maycen: ....well, then I don't know what to tell ya...

April 2016

Maycen: Is it chilly outside?

Me: I don't know, why don't you step outside?

Maycen: Why don't you just check your phone and see what degrees it is??

April 2016

*Overhear Mayce & Ollie from the living room playing with their action figures..*

Ollie: We need something to shoot Marshall over the Paw Patroller!

Mayce: Quick! Grab Mommy's boobie shoes out of the hamper -- we can use that!

(....my bra.)

March 2016

We are sitting in the parking lot while Cody runs in the store.

Maycen: Why is he taking so long? I'm thirsty. I have to go to the bathroom. It's hot in here. Where is he?!

Me: Son!

Maycen: .....and there's no wifi.

Welcome to 2016, ladies & gentlemen.

March 2016

Ollie comes running in the living room with no pants..

Ollie: MOM! COME WIPE MY BUTT PLEASE!

Me: Did you poop in the potty?!

Ollie: NOPE!

*Cody turns to me slowly...*

Cody: .....then where?

February 2016

Me: Look at that bright light in the sky! Its a UFO!
Mayce: Where?
Me: Right there. Its a spaceship from planet Mars! It has aliens! With green skin & pink hair! They're nice aliens though so you--
Mayce: Mom. We both know it isn't aliens.
Me: Oh. Ok.
Mayce: Its Santa.

Me: My bad.