Each household has different rules and standards. I have always believed that no matter how ridiculous some may seem, a parent's wishes should always be respected and abided by. I know the way we do things in our home are probably a lot different than most, and that is okay. Like I have mentioned in previous posts, what boundaries are set at your house are your business. So I wanted to share some of the things I try and teach my boys on a daily basis and explain why.
Manners
This is a biggy for me. And this has actually been one of the most controversial topics when I have discussed it with other parents. My boys are to address any adult with "ma'am" or "sir". Why? Because I see it as being respectful. Now, not all people feel like this and I know that this is mostly a Southern thing. Where as some parents think it is a little old fashioned and unnecessary (which is cool) It is just something that I will not budge on. And it is actually something that I never had to force or scold my kids about. Each time they would answer me with a "yeah" or "what" I would just politely respond "ma'am" and now its just natural for them. It isn't forced, and it doesn't inconvenience them in anyway. The same with "please" and "thank you" which also come naturally to them now. Now, this is something that if forgotten I do have to stop and remind them that this is vital. No one owes you anything, and even if it is a waitress or just a kind stranger holding the door for you... say "Thank you." It takes two seconds.
Don't Stink
It does not matter what you are doing for the day -- always brush your teeth! And wash your hands after using the bathroom. The reasons speak for themselves! Especially with little boys!!
Drink Plenty of Water
Water is always accessible in our house. I actually got an amazing idea from my sister, who kept a jug of ice water, that has the spout, on the counter throughout the day. My boys have LOVED this idea.. and they're so preoccupied with being able to pour the water themselves... they don't even care that its water. Definitely something to consider if you have little ones that aren't so crazy about H2O! I actually keep the jug in the fridge. I bought the 99 cent, thick plastic cups and hot glued a magnet strip to the back of each of them and just stuck them on the fridge! They love coming through and filling their own cup and then attaching the cup back to the fridge. I wash them at the end of the day and then they are ready for the next! If you try this idea, please let me know how it works for you!
Sugar is Great! (But bad for you!)
Now this is also a tricky one, and this is one that I think it is hard for people that aren't of our generation to grasp the concept of. Candy is not the same as it was back in the day. As much as we want to believe that "they wouldn't sell it if it wasn't good for them." Your health means absolutely nothing to mult-billion dollar corporations. And just because it says "Sugar Free" on the box DOES NOT MEAN IT. Over the years, different companies have gotten really slick with how they advertise, and most of it is false. Now, with that being said -- No, I am not the Wicked Witch of the South, my kids are allowed to have sweets... but in small doses. Call me crazy, but this is something I have researched heavily. And won't go into (this time) but if your curiosity is killing you.. please look into some documentaries such as "Fed Up" which can be found on Netflix OR just Google "What sugar does to a child's body?" You will never look at a KitKat the same again. Now, I won't lie. I LOVE sweets. And we do still enjoy dessert after dinner and the occasional candy bar from the check out line at a grocery store. This is not something we want to make a regular thing and definitely not something we want to become habit. Sugar is habit forming. And obviously, this is hard for a 3 and 5 year old to understand. Their logic: It tastes good so it can't be bad for us! That is why I feel it is important for parents to intervene at such a young age. Preventing a habit from ever developing is a lot easier than breaking one.
Do Your Chores
Though they be but little, they will know to clean. This has been the hardest one yet. And I am all for letting kids be kids but they will also be kids that know how to pick up after themselves. In my opinion, kids should be held responsible for the items that they take out and know that before another toy comes out, the other needs to be put away. For a while I was guilty of letting them have their fun and it was quicker if I just came in behind them and picked it all up. It wasn't until I heard my five year old say "Just leave it, Mom will clean it up." It set in that I was setting them up to fail. Although I would keep it from them as long as I possibly could, the real world is coming. And the less I make them do now.. the harder it is going to punch them in the face. Since they are still small, it has been easier to make it a game of "Who can pick up the most toys first!" or "Let's pick up all the toys that are green, now all of the toys that are blue, etc..." If toys are left out, they lose privileges with that toy for a certain amount of time. I am starting to see a change and they have actually began to pick up without me having to ask, but this is still something that we struggle with, and it is something that I am sure will be ongoing into their teenage years. The point is to not give up. Even though it is probably quicker for you to just do it, you're not teaching them any life lesson by doing it for them. That is something that I often have to tell myself. Same goes for putting their laundry in the basket, putting their plates in the sink, etc. Even if the tasks aren't BIG, if you make things like this part of their normal routine, it won't seem like a chore later, in my opinion.
Express Yourself
I have never wanted my kids to feel like they can't tell me or show me how they're feeling. Now, this is where that thin line comes in. Yelling, hitting, or raising their voice to me is not tolerated. This is only something that I have been experiencing with Mayce lately (5 year old). He has gotten to an age where when something bothers him, he wants to scream and hit things, and voice that he is mad. Which is completely okay with me. As long as he does no harm to himself or the people around him, I encourage him to let it out! I may have to ask him to remove himself from the situation until he is calm but I have found that once he comes back and we can talk about it... you can literally see the weight lifted from his shoulders. We ALWAYS make a point to talk to him about it afterward. We give him an opportunity to express why he was mad and then we explain why we took the disciplinary actions that we did. This method works for us. Even if something leads to corporal punishment, he is always allowed a chance to voice how it made him feel. And that usually leads to him not doing it again. I have never understood why or how a parent would discipline a child, whether it be spanking them or scolding them, and then get mad at them for crying and/or telling them to stop crying. How else are they supposed to express themselves? Laughing? That is just my logic.
Be Honest
I regret this one sometimes. Usually those times when I get "Mom, your butt is big" or "Your hair is crazy" are the times that I regret telling them to be so honest. However, when my five year old comes to me and tells me he did something, even though he knows it is something that he will get in trouble for, it makes me feel good. We are raising kids in a world that is CRAZY now. And I think it is vital for them to know that they don't have to lie about anything. Even if someone else tells them to. Even if it is something they think will get them in trouble. Even sometimes, when it is something I DO NOT want to hear... I listen, and even if they do get into trouble for it, I am always sure to tell them "I appreciate you being honest with me about it" and pray that honesty is a quality they hold on to.
Stand Up For Yourself & Each Other
Being a Momzilla, I struggle with this one. As much as I want to snatch that brat up on the playground that wants to bully my boys, I don't. They have to know that I won't always physically be there to back them up. There will come a time that a little shithead bully will push their limits and they have to know how to handle it. We don't push violence and we try to stress that words mean nothing, however, they'll know that if someone ever crosses the boundary and touches them -- its fair game. I will never scold my child, no matter how old, for defending themselves or each other.
Don't Stop Trying
If I have never pushed an opinion on you, I am going to now. Parents, never stop encouraging your child. I have personally heard a mother tell their child "Stop! You just can't do it!" And it breaks my heart. We live in a world, a country, FULL of opportunities. No matter what your child wants to do... never stop pushing them to do it. This life is not all about the money that we make, and the day that we die... we take nothing with us. So I urge you to encourage them to enjoy their lives, make memories, and back them on any decision they make. Do not accept "I can't" as a response. As parents it is OUR job to mold and motivate our children to be what they want and be the best at it.
I would love to hear some of the lessons you teach your children and/or even some that you do not agree with. Thanks for reading, loves!
