my circus. my monkeys.

I decided to write about something that really grinds my gears tonight. And this is something that has bothered me since I have had children of my own. Why is it that mothers feel the need to judge other moms so harshly? And not just mothers, but grandmothers, great grandmothers as well. When I think of this subject, my mind always goes back to a time when Oliver was only a couple months old, it was around Christmas and Cody and I were doing some last minute shopping. Of course, it was chilly outside and we were in and out of stores. I had the boys bundled up and was carrying a swaddled Oliver into one of the stores when I noticed his head was sweating from the cap on his head. I slid the hat off and tucked it away in my purse and continued our search. A woman, that I had never seen before in my life, stopped me and said "Don't you think that baby's head needs to be covered? Do you know how cold it is outside? That is how children get sick!" Before I could answer she turned up her nose and walked away. I was mad. I was embarrassed. And had completely forgotten what I was even in Target for. I picked up a couple items and we made our way back to the car. On the ride home I thought to myself this shouldn't bother me. Why am I so worked up over something one woman said? Let it go. But I couldn't. And because one thing, that I am sure any mother can relate to, is the fact that we don't like anyone thinking or assuming we aren't doing what we are supposed to do. That lady had no idea that my child's hat was in my purse and that I had just taken it off, she just took it upon herself to approach me very rudely and make an unnecessary comment. Now, let me come out of this flashback because I am getting a little pissed thinking about it. Okay, back to present day.


My point is that I am over this mom bashing. When I tell you that I do not allow my kids to have soda on a regular basis or monitor their sugar intake, do not look at me like I am depriving them. When I say that I spank my children when they are misbehaving, do not look at me like I abuse them. In my house, we do what works for us. This is my circus. Those are my monkeys.


I have organized a mom group full of fantastic mothers and there is one thing that I can say: None of us parent the same, but does that mean some are good and some are bad? No. As mothers, we should use our nourishing and supportive nature to uplift each other and encourage each other in the times that we feel we are lacking. We should never feel embarrassed to admit that we cannot do it all. Sometimes, we just don't feel like playing with matchbox cars for the thousandth time. And sometimes, we hide in the laundry room and eat our kids' Halloween candy. The point is, what is judging someone else going to do for you? How is bringing another woman down going to benefit you? If you chose to formula feed, and you see a breastfeeding mom -- why not compliment her on her efforts? Maybe you just physically could not breastfeed, or chose not to because of your work schedule... but why not tell her how much you admire her determination to push through the pain or manage her time? And the same goes for moms that chose to use formula. I am so tired of formula shaming. I physically could not breastfeed. My milk literally just was not there. I had no choice but to choose a formula. I hated the process of going through different formulas, I felt that I had failed because that is one thing mothers are supposed to be able to do. And I could not tell you the number of times I have received nasty comments because I formula fed. Not one time did anyone ask me why or about my personal experience. They just jumped to judgement. Same goes for discipline (and I am really guilty of this one.) The way you choose to discipline your child is no one else's business. And even though it is so hard for me to turn my head and walk away when a child is throwing himself down on the toy isle at Wal-Mart and calling his mother by her first name... I still do. Even though I personally don't agree with it and my child would be holding a frozen package of peas on his behind, I don't have to take that kid home so its not. my. business.

So the point of my rambling tonight, is no matter what the case is... let's all try to uplift, to support, and encourage. Because no matter how you choose to parent we can all say that we have cried behind a closed bathroom door, peed in our pants from a weak bladder, forgotten when the last time we washed our hair was, paced the floors at 3 am, and most importantly... spend 100% of our time trying to keep another human being alive. We have a big job. The most important in the world. One that you can't call out of. So instead of making it a competition, let's do it together.

Have a good night, mommies!