How We Make It Work, Work, Work, Work, Work.

I ran into an old friend in Wal-Mart today. And yes, I am ALWAYS in Wal-Mart, Judgey Judy but it is either 1. because I forgot something I was supposed to get the day before or 2. I just thought of a spontaneous crafty craft and have to go before my husband tries to stop me. I should just get a job as the greeter. "Hi, welcome to Wal-Mart, hope you're having a lovely day. Hey, if you find yourself in the back of the store could you grab me some hot glue sticks and glitter? Great. Happy shopping!" I mean, it has seriously gotten to a point where if I am there and I don't have my kids... the employees ask where and how my kids are doing. We are two visits from having the greeter over for Thanksgiving, I kid you not. So anyway, I am in the store looking for all things Halloween and I run into a friend from high school. We are talking about our kids and how it is crazy being old now and whatnot and she says, "You and your husband are the perfect couple. I love looking at your pictures and seeing how far you have come! You just look so happy!" As much as I love compliments like that, it made me cringe a little. Not because I didn't want to hear that but because I felt like I was one of those people that made everything seem perfect on social media. And I guess it is easy to because no one wants to post the bad stuff or dramatic stuff but also, no relationship or life is perfect. And if perfection is what you are searching for, please holla at ya girl when you find it.


I will say that I am lucky. Sometimes I forget that I have someone that is willing to work extremely hard for his family, to put in time and effort with his children, and to choose us over everything. I forget this because we get caught up in work, school, dinner, bath time.. and sometimes we lose track of what is important. And though he is awesome, he is not perfect. Neither am I. The reason that I wanted to share this post is because I find that so many people are so caught up in finding a perfect, happy ending that they don't realize when they already are living in a version of that most of the time. And when I accepted this, it truly strengthened our marriage. So, I am by far no expert, but I wanted to share some of our little tips and I would love if you have some to share with me!

Marriage is not easy. And there has actually been over a 50% decline of marriages since 1970! Why? My theory is because times are changing. The economy isn't tiptop, only putting financial stress on more marriages (specifically young marriages) and I am not a believer that money mends the broken or leads to happiness, but in all honesty -- it certainly does help. When you and your spouse both have to work in order to cover just bills, it puts a strain on a marriage. You work hard to and spend less time with each other only to pay bills and have hardly any money left to do anything fun. We have personally been trapped in this cycle in the past.That in itself is enough to put a wedge in any marriage.

We don't have all of the answers but here are some of the things that have proven successful in our marriage and I hope that they may help someone else out there.

Keep It Private. Your fights and disagreements do not belong on social media or in the ear of family/friends. Although it does not hurt to vent to loved ones, keep in mind that they won't forgive as quickly as you do and it will only cause tension in the future. If you need space, you can simply say "We are having a disagreement and I need some time to clear my head." They should have no reason to pry any further into your business. This prevents you from having to go back on your words or having to explain yourself any further than necessary. 

Understand Personal Space. Just because you're a couple does not mean that every interest has to be in common. Understand that sometimes they can do their thing and you can do yours. And that does not mean that they want to spend less time with you. It is actually healthy! In the beginning, we struggled with this one but over time we were able to say, "Hey, go do your thing -- we can do something later." Trying to force someone to like what you like never goes well. This helps me to stay true to myself and the things that I love. 

Don't Take Away Friends. This one is very important to me. I go through phases where I am a complete homebody. I love the blog, write in my journal, Netflix binge, paint... you get the picture. And then some days I wake up and I desperately want to see my friends! Cody is the same way. He loves being at home, watching movies, hanging out... and then some nights he will decide to go out bowling with the guys. ALWAYS encourage this. Sometimes I have to push Cody out the door but he always thanks me for it later. Everyone needs time to find their old selves even if only for a few hours. Everyone deserves to laugh and be silly with old/new friends. And then you and your spouse have something to talk about when you return!




Sometimes You Just Have to Go to Bed Mad. This one sounds crazy, right? I have always been told to never go to bed angry at someone, but sometimes it just isn't realistic. We have solved more issues after getting a good night's rest compared to any other method. Even if you have to sleep separately (which never works for us because I'm a scaredy cat) Yes, I have literally said, "I'm still mad at you, so don't think otherwise... but I need you to get back in the bed because I am scared something is going to get me." Yep, sometimes pride has to be swallowed to save you from the creatures under the bed. And if anything, it'll just get him first. And that is a chance I am willing to take. Anyway, so yeah -- if you need to sleep on it, just sleep on it. Don't force a fake reconciliation because you don't want to go to bed angry. Get your beauty sleep, so you'll be cute in the morning and he'll be forced to say sorry! ;)





Be Considerate. This one makes me proud because this is one that I can honestly say we are good at, if nothing else. We are always there to back one another and help each other out. Cody has a strenuous job, that relies on him to be outside for hours in harsh weather conditions. Rain, shine, snow. So, usually in the summer/spring -- I cut the grass. We have a push mower and live on a slope so it is difficult, but I consider the fact that I have the luxury of being inside all day and he doesn't. So I put in my earbuds and get it done! I have truly come to enjoy it and he is always appreciative. He is always good about running me a bubble bath randomly and letting me enjoy one of my books! The point I am trying to make is that the more acts of kindness you perform for them, the more they will want to return!






Learn to Laugh at One Another. Know what argument NEEDS to happen and which is ridiculous. Learn to laugh at those ridiculous ones. One of my favorite things about Cody is his ability to make me laugh. So a lot of our arguments end with laughter. It is beautifully annoying. 

So these are just a few that I wanted to share with you. And I would LOVE to hear some guidelines that you and your spouse go by to make a smoother relationship! I think that every relationship has room for improvement and growth. We learn as we go and right now.. that works for us!

As stated before, I am aware that we aren't perfect. But in this time, in this reality, we have to learn to hold on to one another and fix what is broken instead of just throwing it away. There have been so many times where I have wanted to throw in the towel, but then I realize that that is the easy route. It is harder to mend it day by day but once the past is in the past I am always thankful that I didn't give up.

Wishing you all happily ever afters!